The Vancouver Canucks: A Bandwagoners Guide

Inspired by Pass it to Bulis' "Bandwagon Fan Cheat Sheet," here's my "Bandwagoners Guide to the Canucks"

It's that time of year, Canucks fans! That's right, its the playoffs!

Now, most of you don't have the time or patience to follow the Canucks through an 82 (or 48) game season.  That's OK, I'm not here to judge. (Well, maybe a little) In fact, I'm here to bring you up to speed.

I'm sure you've heard by now that the Canucks are facing the Sharks in round 1 of the playoffs. No? Well you know now. That's easy enough. But what about the players? And who do you blame for the good/bad things happening? Below is everything you'll need to keep you out of an awkward conversation with someone who knows more about hockey than you do.

The Canucks are Winning:

 - Henrik Sedin, Daniel Sedin, Ryan Kesler. Memorize those names, people. When the Canucks are winning, just mentioning any of these 3 names in the sentence "_______ is playing really well tonight" will gain you respect amongst your peers.

 - Low scoring game? I've still got you covered, buddy! Talk about how well Hamhuis has done with Garrison, or how improved Tanev is this year. Maybe mention that Edler looks pretty solid this post season. If Schneider is in goal, talk about how incredible he's been. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT mention Roberto Luongo. That'll open up a whole new can of worm. See "Emergency Situations" below.

The Canucks are Losing:

When the crap hits the fan, every fan has a scapegoat. For a lot of people, it's either Alain Vigneault (Head Coach) or Mike Gillis (General Manager). I'm guilty of hoping on this bandwagon occasionally. But if you wanna look a little more edumacated and what not, you should have some players on that list, too.

 - Keith Ballard: A $4 million healthy scratch, who occasionally plays on the 3rd defense pairing or the 4th offensive line. If he's playing, scream  "WHY THE %#@* IS KEITH BALLARD PLAYING IN THE PLAYOFFS?!" If he's in the press box, scream "WHY THE %#@* IS KEITH BALLARD SITTING IN THE PRESS BOX, IN THE PLAYOFFS?!" Fairly simple.

 - Zack Kassian: Still a fairly young player, who could be the next Todd Bertuzzi (tough guy who can score). Didn't live up to the fans ridiculous expectations. If he's with the Sedins, say he deserves to be on the fourth line. Coincidentally, if he's on the fourth, make a fuss about him not playing 30 + minutes per game and scoring 40 goals en route to a cup win. 

 - Mason Raymond: 2nd or 3rd liner who just isn't the same player after breaking his back in the Cup Finals 2 years ago. Complain about how he needs to be traded, or that he just simply needs to get over his fear of going into corners.

 EMERGENCY SITUATIONS:

While the above should get you through any normal situation, you may encounter a few "Danger Zones." Heres the most lethal, and how to handle them.

Someone Mentions the Goaltending Problem:

For those of you who have been hiding under a rock for the past year, Cory Schneider has ousted Roberto Luongo as #1 goaltender for the Canucks. But the Canucks failed to trade off Luongo, leaving us with a $6 million backup. 

If anything is mentioned about the goaltending problem, the best thing to do is run. Far, far away. Everyone and their dog has an opinion on who deserves the starter spot, what's fair, and why. You'll get trapped in a never ending cycle of useless opinions. But worse: you'll get flustered, lose your composure, and start talking about how useful Ballard would be at Kesler's side.

This is the only real emergency situation, but should be avoided at all costs.

What to do with this Information:

Now you may be thinking, "Jon, I just read and memorized your advice, now what?" You can:

 - Pretend to know more than other fans, act all smug about it, probably get beat up because of it.

 - Become a blogger, also pretending to know more than others, but publishing it.

 - Use it sparingly, so as to blend in and not look like a fool.

Your choice.

Gillis Has the Moves, Like Jagger

Normally, the time leading up to the NHL trade deadline is a very, very quiet one for GM Mike Gillis and the Vancouver Canucks. Not this time.

First off, as I tweeted earlier: Zach Kassian and Andrew Gordon have both been sent down to the AHL Chicago Wolves. Assistant GM Laurence Gilman hinted that it was due to off ice behaviour. Their replacements were Niklas Jensen and Bill Sweatt. Sweatt is a career AHL'er, who sees minimal ice time with  the Canucks. Jensen, on the other hand, is a prospect, who played his first NHL game last night against San Jose. Coach Vigneault placed him on a line with the Sedin twins.

Moving on, the Canucks have purchased the Peoria Rivermen, which are the AHL affiliate of the St. Louis Blues. Perfect timing, as the Canucks contract with the Wolves expires at the end of this season. Nothing has been said (yet), but it is believed that this is the first step into bringing the Canucks farm team to Abbotsford, BC. Problem is, the Heat (Calgary Flames farm team, currently occupying Abbotsford) are locked in to a 10 year deal with the city of Abbotsford.

Onto trade news: Gillis made official a deal with the Dallas Stars. The Canucks obtained centreman Derek Roy in exchange for Canucks defenseman Kevin Connauton and a 2nd round pick in next years draft. Connauton has been struggling this year, and was a team worst -12 when he was traded. I don't mind trading him for Roy. Roy is a small guy, measuring 5'9 and only 183 pounds, basically the same size as Schroeder. Thing is, Roy has had plenty of experience in the league, and his experience will be critical until Kesler comes back. Roy's best season was a 32 goal / 81 point season in 07-08, and he's managed 50-60 point seasons since. Regardless, I anticipate him fitting well between Higgins and Hansen. As a result of the Canucks acquiring Roy, Schroeder was sent down to the Wolves.

On the topic of centreman, Kesler should be returning soon. A recent press conference revealed that he should be skating within a week or so, but the rest is unknown.

Last little piece of info. Higgins re-signed with the Canucks this afternoon. A 4 year, $10 million dollar contract ($2.5 per year).